Yesterday we had ward conference and the Stake Presidency talked
to us about times of transition. We
started by making a list of different kinds of transitions and it took a while
for divorce to be suggested. It’s
interesting because I’ve had to make some different boundaries during this
transition. Like a week after the
divorce when H-er called and asked if I had been on a date yet.
My initial response was shock, then laughter, and then
anger. (shock and laughter because it
had only been one week. I was still
making sure utilities and other things were in my name. Dating was the FURTHEST
thing from my mind). After I laughed I said
“none of your business.” Because it’s
not.
He tried to convince me to tell him. I finally had to spell out the boundary that
SHOULD be obvious. “If you ask me
questions about my love life or lack of love life I will not take your calls.” He continued to press so I gave him another
warning. “If you continue to ask, I will
hang up”. He still didn’t give up. So I hung up.
One day I received a text in the middle of the
afternoon: “I finally broke up with J”. I stared at it for several minutes wondering
how I was supposed to respond. Another
boundary: “I won’t respond to attempts
to discuss your current and future relationships”. It’s none of my business unless it involves
my children.
Another boundary has to do with social media. I posted a picture of myself with An Heritage
#2 sitting in the movie theater and titled it “Girls Night Out”. An acquaintance made a humorous comment about
the generation gap (#2 was making duck lips and I was doing the traditional
smile). H-er decided to message this person about
staying out of our business and included some insults and then questioned me
about my relationship with this person. Suddenly I realized the potential for drama.
A few years past I had sent a friend invite to my cousin’s
new husband saying “I hear you’re my newest cousin! Welcome to the family. Can’t wait to get to know you.” H-er sent him a nasty message FROM MY ACCOUNT
demanding to know who he was and why we were in contact. He had also sent another nasty message from
my account to someone else I knew growing up who had reached out to say HI and
invite our family to a bbq with his family and some other families we grew up
with. (he lost the right to have my password to
social media).
So I made the decision to block H-er on social media. He of course got upset and began to accuse me
of putting other people before him and began to rehash our history. Out came another boundary “If you are going
to call me to go over past accusations I won’t take the call.” I ended up hanging up on him again because he
wouldn’t let it go.
I’m sure there will be more boundaries that have to be
spelled out during this transition time.
