Unsurprised

Yesterday we had ward conference and the Stake Presidency talked to us about times of transition.  We started by making a list of different kinds of transitions and it took a while for divorce to be suggested.  It’s interesting because I’ve had to make some different boundaries during this transition.  Like a week after the divorce when H-er called and asked if I had been on a date yet. 

My initial response was shock, then laughter, and then anger.  (shock and laughter because it had only been one week.  I was still making sure utilities and other things were in my name. Dating was the FURTHEST thing from my mind).   After I laughed I said “none of your business.”   Because it’s not. 

He tried to convince me to tell him.  I finally had to spell out the boundary that SHOULD be obvious.   “If you ask me questions about my love life or lack of love life I will not take your calls.”  He continued to press so I gave him another warning.  “If you continue to ask, I will hang up”.  He still didn’t give up.  So I hung up. 

One day I received a text in the middle of the afternoon:  “I finally broke up with J”.   I stared at it for several minutes wondering how I was supposed to respond.  Another boundary:  “I won’t respond to attempts to discuss your current and future relationships”.  It’s none of my business unless it involves my children. 

Another boundary has to do with social media.  I posted a picture of myself with An Heritage #2 sitting in the movie theater and titled it “Girls Night Out”.  An acquaintance made a humorous comment about the generation gap (#2 was making duck lips and I was doing the traditional smile).    H-er decided to message this person about staying out of our business and included some insults and then questioned me about my relationship with this person.   Suddenly I realized the potential for drama.  

A few years past I had sent a friend invite to my cousin’s new husband saying “I hear you’re my newest cousin!  Welcome to the family.  Can’t wait to get to know you.”  H-er sent him a nasty message FROM MY ACCOUNT demanding to know who he was and why we were in contact.  He had also sent another nasty message from my account to someone else I knew growing up who had reached out to say HI and invite our family to a bbq with his family and some other families we grew up with.   (he lost the right to have my password to social media).

So I made the decision to block H-er on social media.  He of course got upset and began to accuse me of putting other people before him and began to rehash our history.  Out came another boundary “If you are going to call me to go over past accusations I won’t take the call.”  I ended up hanging up on him again because he wouldn’t let it go.     

I’m sure there will be more boundaries that have to be spelled out during this transition time.