The other day H-er called to talk and he asked me how An
Heritage #4 was doing. Unfortunately, he is still failing some of his classes
(refuses to do any school work) and I sensed H-er’s frustration. It made me a
little defensive as he listed ways that I could get our son to get his grades
up.
I recognized however that he wasn’t criticizing me. He truly
just wants our son to succeed. I mentioned my tiredness at the end of the day
because of my busy season at work and how it left no energy to really enforce
anything. He immediately set his frustration aside and validated me. The
conversation went on.
The next day when I woke up, I felt it was important to
acknowledge what had happened. I sent him the following text:
I wanted to point out
something I noticed (and appreciated) during our conversation about #4
yesterday.
I could sense your
frustration with the situation and yet you checked yourself and tried to
validate my hard week. That was a lovely example of emotional maturity and I
truly appreciate it. Thanks!
He responded with
Thank you... your
positivity means a lot and sometimes it is what gets me through the day. You
are a beautiful woman.
And I knew he didn’t mean physically.
Over the last year he has repeatedly apologized to me for his
behavior and treatment of me during our marriage. And when we see each other or
talk to each other he is respectful and kind. I felt impressed to change my story for the third time.
Getting divorced was truly the best thing that could ever happen
for our relationship. And as I have healed I find it easier to be kind and
empathetic with him.
I stumbled across an old notebook where I had detailed some of
the more painful episodes including some of the physical and verbal abuse. As I read, I felt sorrow and grief for the
situation, particularly for him because I could see the pain he was in from
acting out in addiction, but I felt no anger. I could also see his growth, at least in his
relationship with me. I hope that he continues to grow and it spills over into
all of his relationships.
I am feeling that this blog is coming to a close. I’ll leave it up because I remember reading
other blogs and finding solace, recognition, validation, and hope and if even
one person finds any of those in my posts it is worth it. So I’ll just close
with this…..Because of the Savior’s Grace I have experienced healing and my
bitterness is now made sweet. What a wonderful gift!!!
