Healing

The other day H-er called to talk and he asked me how An Heritage #4 was doing. Unfortunately, he is still failing some of his classes (refuses to do any school work) and I sensed H-er’s frustration. It made me a little defensive as he listed ways that I could get our son to get his grades up.  

I recognized however that he wasn’t criticizing me. He truly just wants our son to succeed. I mentioned my tiredness at the end of the day because of my busy season at work and how it left no energy to really enforce anything. He immediately set his frustration aside and validated me. The conversation went on. 

The next day when I woke up, I felt it was important to acknowledge what had happened. I sent him the following text:

I wanted to point out something I noticed (and appreciated) during our conversation about #4 yesterday.  

I could sense your frustration with the situation and yet you checked yourself and tried to validate my hard week. That was a lovely example of emotional maturity and I truly appreciate it. Thanks!

He responded with 

Thank you... your positivity means a lot and sometimes it is what gets me through the day. You are a beautiful woman. 

And I knew he didn’t mean physically. 

Over the last year he has repeatedly apologized to me for his behavior and treatment of me during our marriage. And when we see each other or talk to each other he is respectful and kind.  I felt impressed to change my story for the third time. 

Getting divorced was truly the best thing that could ever happen for our relationship. And as I have healed I find it easier to be kind and empathetic with him. 

I stumbled across an old notebook where I had detailed some of the more painful episodes including some of the physical and verbal abuse.  As I read, I felt sorrow and grief for the situation, particularly for him because I could see the pain he was in from acting out in addiction, but I felt no anger.  I could also see his growth, at least in his relationship with me. I hope that he continues to grow and it spills over into all of his relationships.

I am feeling that this blog is coming to a close.  I’ll leave it up because I remember reading other blogs and finding solace, recognition, validation, and hope and if even one person finds any of those in my posts it is worth it. So I’ll just close with this…..Because of the Savior’s Grace I have experienced healing and my bitterness is now made sweet. What a wonderful gift!!!