This is not going to
be a particularly hopeful post
I was thinking back to
the few months after my divorce. Particularly standing in my bathroom and my ex
saying that he didn’t recognize me and that I had never been so
attractive.
in that time and place I was happy, at peace, learning new things, making new friends, working
through my anger, learning to forgive, and glowing. I truly felt full of
light.
I’m not that person anymore.
Somewhere along the way I detoured. I attracted a man who was inappropriate for
me in every way and ended up in a bishops court where I was actually shown
unbelievable mercy.
I had a chance to
course correct.
But Pandora’s box was
opened.
In moments of
reflection I feel angry and want to blame my ex husband. Because I shouldn’t be
in this situation. I should be safely married where I can express affection and
intimacy in the only way acceptable to God.
But in reality I can’t
blame him for my inability to live with integrity.
The light in me is
dimming.
