Dispirited

In that small box I found a poem I’d written (before 2003).  It made me sad.

It really put in perspective just how long I have been co-existing with all these feelings.
 
Just play it smart
Hold back a little
Keep your cards close
Damn, you force my hand
I have to play it or lose
I lost anyways

Okay, next hand.

I’ll just be patient
My luck will have to turn
I see my chance
I play my cards
I don’t hold any back
I discard left--then right
After taking what he needs I find I have nothing left
And there’s nothing I can pick up
I’ve lost again

I finally have a winning hand

There’s no way I can lose
I wager everything I’ve got
I’ll be set for life
Who cares about a poker face
Just let me play my hand
I laugh and set my cards down
And the world seems to slow
One by one he shows his cards
The blood drains from my face

He beats my hand

I’ve lost it all
I don’t even remember how it happened