Sad

Here’s my Thanksgiving report: 

The drama was kept to a minimum this year for which I’m grateful.

Dinner was over an hour late which caused some grief for one of my sister in laws.  She had planned to leave at a certain time for some Black Friday shopping and so was now going to miss dinner.  She complained to my mother in law that everything wasn’t organized very well and they shared some heated words.  But then her 17 year old daughter walked in and said “I thought you were leaving soon.” In a perfectly pleasant voice and her mom turned on her.  She got an inch away from her face, pointed her finger at her and yelled “don’t effing embarrass me in front of my family!”   My niece ran out of the house.  15 minutes later they all came back in and went into a back room and her mom and older sister laid into her about her attitude.  She spent the rest of the night in the room crying.    And I felt sad for everyone.

Why do I share this?

Because as I watched it unfold I realized what was happening.  My sister in law didn’t know how to handle whatever feelings she was having (disappointment, hurt, etc.) because she was going to miss dinner and it came out as anger towards her daughter who happened to be in the wrong place and said something at the wrong time.  But then, it continued.  Instead of recognizing any of her feelings or actions she continued in anger and brought in reinforcements (she probably felt bad and anger kept her going so she didn’t have to face those uncomfortable feelings).* 

This situation just reinforced in my mind how destructive anger is.  When I get angry I HAVE to stop myself and tell myself it’s okay to face whatever painful emotion I’m hiding from.  And then I have to face it.  If I don’t I will hurt those who don’t deserve it.  I’ll hurt those that need my love and kindness the most:  My children.  Because they are the ones who are going to innocently walk into the middle of my anger. 

 

 

 

 

*I'm not a mind-reader so this is my best guess at what was going on under the anger.  I could be totally wrong.