Optimistic

I have finally finished my fourth step.  I found my lists from the first time I worked the program and I was able to add to them.  It was painful to read through all the abusive, demeaning, and hurtful things H-er has said to me over the years.

It was painful to write down our history and record the dates and details of all the things I have felt resentment, betrayal, bitterness, anger, hurt, vengeful, and spiteful about. 

I stand at the edge of a precipice.   It seems like so many things are coming to this one point.

My counselor feels that after the five years of trauma counseling I have worked through enough that I don't need regular visits anymore.  The anger that I've been harboring has largely been released through the fourth step and by facing all the feelings underneath.  And I feel a great sense of peace about my decision to pursue the divorce.   Even the dreaded 8AM church time will change next week.

I've edited my story - where before it was detailed and explicit, I've toned it down to reflect the release of my resentments and bitterness.  I felt it was time.

It's time for me to find a sponsor and share all I've written and learned about myself.