Co-dependent

It's 1am and she casually strolls in after taking our car all day wearing short shorts and a non existent top.  She heads over to the refrigerator to see what she can scrounge up. 

I'm in over my head.  I don't know where she's been or who she's been with.  She doesn't believe in the gospel anymore.  She tried to kill herself. She doesn't have a job.  She's comfortable flaunting her body.  She wants boys to like her.

All I want is to keep her safe and for her to be happy and successful.  I don't want her making the same mistakes I made.  I don't want her following in my footsteps.  I remember after I met H-er I went out rollerblading in my short shorts.  It's all too familiar.  I feel powerless.

Any attempt to set boundaries is going to backfire.  I can already hear her say I'm "controlling." That she'll "turn out that way because I believe she will", and that I "can't ever let things go just like with dad".  She might throw in that she'll just leave and won't ever come back and I'll never see her again.

As I type all of that I hear the manipulation and the narcissism and the selfishness.  And I realize I cannot switch my co-dependency to her.

I have to set some boundaries.  Curfew.  Communication. Employment. Contribution. Church attendance.   She will protest.  She'll probably even move out.  She may stop speaking to me and I may not see her for a while. She may end up pregnant.  She may even end up smoking, drinking, on drugs, and possibly even dead.

The first step:  I am powerless.  I cannot control or save her.  She has agency and will use it to make the wrong choices sometimes.  Embrace the powerlessness. It's okay.

I can't jeopardize my goal of serenity with a co-dependent relationship with her.  I will break these chains of co-dependency.

Serenity now!!!