Trigger Warning


TRIGGER WARNING: Many of my posts contain triggers as I fearlessly inventory my emotions.
Some of these are brutally honest as I veer from negative to positive.




Thursday, November 19, 2015

Supported


credit: it was in my facebook feed so I don't know who originated it.
 
That's how I was feeling as I debated going to my ARP meeting.  I was going to be late because of another appointment so I was on the verge of justifying not attending.  But I went.  And I'm glad I did.

I shared how I was feeling angry (which was masking my anxiety) because now I have to struggle with my children.  See all this time I've only had my spouse's addiction to deal with.  My children have been ideal.  They don't fight.  They do well in school.  They are healthy. They go to church.  I've had it easy.  Like God knew that I already had all I could handle. And I was grateful. 

But now I have to deal with school suspensions, law breaking, testimony doubting, sullen children.

No no no no no

I have to deal with that too? 

As one of the other ladies put it "I keep climbing the mountain expecting the valley only to find another mountain".

The meeting finished with one of the leaders sharing a message from a conference talk.  As she shared the story of Elder Stanfill's bike ride through a long dark tunnel and how his light was too dim I felt the tears come. He became uncomfortable and felt anxiety and confusion.  When he shared this with the other bike riders they gathered in close around someone else's stronger light and continued on.  Finally he saw a pinprick of light and he kept moving towards it.  As he got closer his anxiety began to ebb and his confidence increased.

I realized that this is just how it's going to be.  That pinprick of light is The End.  My life is not going to get easier. Maybe I'll get through this addiction thing with my spouse and now my struggling children, but the next trial is already waiting in the wings. There's no well lit areas in the middle of my tunnel.

So I have to gather those with lights around me (my ARP sisters) and just keep going all the way to the end.   I'm grateful for the program and the strength it provides for those of us struggling.

You can read Elder Stanfill's story here

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