credit: it was in my facebook feed so I don't know who originated it.
That's how I was feeling as I debated going to my ARP
meeting. I was going to be late because
of another appointment so I was on the verge of justifying not attending. But I went.
And I'm glad I did.
I shared how I was feeling angry (which was masking my
anxiety) because now I have to struggle with my children. See all this time I've only had my spouse's
addiction to deal with. My children have
been ideal. They don't fight. They do well in school. They are healthy. They go to church. I've had it easy. Like God knew that I already had all I could
handle. And I was grateful.
But now I have to deal with school suspensions, law
breaking, testimony doubting, sullen children.
No no no no no
I have to deal with that too?
As one of the other ladies put it "I keep climbing
the mountain expecting the valley only to find another mountain".
The meeting finished with one of the leaders sharing a
message from a conference talk. As she
shared the story of Elder Stanfill's bike ride through a long dark tunnel and
how his light was too dim I felt the tears come. He became uncomfortable and
felt anxiety and confusion. When he
shared this with the other bike riders they gathered in close around someone
else's stronger light and continued on.
Finally he saw a pinprick of light and he kept moving towards it. As he got closer his anxiety began to ebb and
his confidence increased.
I realized that this is just how it's going to be. That pinprick of light is The End. My life is not going to get easier. Maybe
I'll get through this addiction thing with my spouse and now my struggling
children, but the next trial is already waiting in the wings. There's no well
lit areas in the middle of my tunnel.
So I have to gather those with lights around me (my ARP
sisters) and just keep going all the way to the end. I'm grateful for the program and the
strength it provides for those of us struggling.
You can read Elder Stanfill's story here
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